Most of the time actually, i'd rather be alone. Many people, mainly my mother, do not understand it. My mother is a socialite who will talk to anyone and truly enjoys it. You cannot meet her, walk away and then forget her. People who meet me always believe I am so much like her in that sense but what they don't know or don't understand is that for me, solitude is a better alternative. Then you meet my father and you understand.
So this past week end, my sister had a little girl and my mother flew in to spend time with her. Naturally, a few of my siblings and I came in to spend Shabbat together and be there for the Kiddush. Since my sister who had the baby reads this blog, this is my chance to tell her C is beautiful and that I am very happy for her. All and all, I had a great week-end with my family. The problem lies in the actual commitment to go spend time with the family.
I love to be alone yet I'm very into quality time with family and close friends. So I can appreciate the moment, I just have a harder time making that trip or that step to spend the time. And if i'm not feeling it, then forget it. I didn't want to drive in (forgive the logistics, we're all spread out) but I did because it's the right thing to do and I knew that I would have a good time. When I'm not feeling it, I always project to the future to see if I may regret later on passing on an opportunity of quality times. Eventually, it gets me going.
It's the same with dating. When I'm not interested in going out, not because of the boy, but because I have a better book at home, I try to project myself in two weeks perhaps wanting to go out but without any options. And even if it doesn't work out, you know I'm happy to walk away with the experience, memories and lessons learned.
In friendship as well, I'll pass on certain things that may bother me because I know I can have a good time despite my frustration. But I'm slowly putting a stop to it. I'd really rather be alone.
My father was alone for Shabbat and I was jealous. He told me: "This is better than the alternative" (I thought he meant better than having my mother home but he meant better than being invited out for meals).
When you stop wondering if you might have had a good time,
if you should have maybe said yes to that guy,
if you should have called your friend who came to town,
have you truly achieved loneliness?
There is a difference between alone and being lonely. I wrote about this a while back: http://princessofhashem.blogspot.com/2010/11/my-lonely-shabbos.html
ReplyDeleteGreat post, i guess you put it well. I feel more alone when surrounded by people than when I am physically alone....
DeleteI'm glad you liked it! It is funny how the concern is to not be perceived as alone versus actually being lonely. Meaning, as long as the person is surrounded by people, great, even if deep down, they feel absolutely lonely :(
DeleteI like to be with people and I like to be alone. I think a balance, in life, is good, but even with this. I once heard this line and I think it is SO true, "If you don't like spending time with yourself, why should anyone else?"
its true but i think most people who do not feel that need to be alone, dont feel that way about it.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who always asks me if I get lonely, my answer is always no and he doesnt get that.
I dont know that everyone needs to be alone (my mom for instance probably doesnt)
A balance or a "middle path" is not always 50%/50% nor is it the same for every person. People are unique and different (B"H for that lol) and therefore what works for one person may not work for another. But even in their own balance, there is a need/importance to being comfortable being alone, though we are not really ever alone :)
Delete