Words, words and more words

Do you ever stop to think about the meaning of words?

Do you ever get annoyed when you ask a question and someone tells you "wait, first define ...."?

I've always believed that arguments and debates are to be carried out only if the people discussing whatever matter, either know each other really well, or are willing to pay extra attention to the way in which a party uses a word.

You may agree that some of the words we use are generally defined by personal experience. For instance: love, hatred, laziness... You can only speak of love or hatred as you know it, not necessarily felt, it could be read, imagined etc... But however you understand what you see, hear or read about love remains remains relative to your perception and your capacity to go beyond and know what it might mean to others.  The same with laziness, in a more pragmatical way; what you call being lazy may still very be active for the other and vice versa.

For that reason, you can be having a conversation with someone and think you know the person, or at least what you are discussing. Yet you don't because all you know is however much you can know being who you are, what you've experienced and how you define things.

Of course there are people who are capable of understanding the other, not in the cliche way of understanding, but they are literally able to push beyond their own thinking and perception to grasp what the other one is thinking and what it means to them.

When you find those people, don't let them go.
They are rare. (Although I may be the only one to care about this)

So, are there words that are defined intrinsically by their name and term?

I wonder, because if that were the case, we humans would be able to talk and only have to explain thoughts and ideas that we come up with, and not the words that we share with a billion other people.

I recommend

 

WUTHERING HEIGHTS

by Emily Bronte 

You've either never read it or you've read it a long time ago. Well it's time to read it for the first time or to read it again. You know I love books and that I read one after the other. Yet I rarely bother to write about the books I read. 

Why Wuthering Heights, you may ask. 

Because it could have been any other novel: the tale of  a young girl whose heart goes out to two different boys, the tale of two families who's land neighbored each other and how they intertwined or the tale of a stranger and the family that took him in.

Instead, Emily Bronte depicts the darkest and most lugubrious picture of all times. Not once in the novel do you feel good about a certain character, a certain deed or a certain feeling. 

     

      The expression of all emotions, even the most beautiful ones such as love and compassion, are swirled into the depths of all that is ugly. 

      The passion of some is so strong, it scream like a savage animal entrapped in the cruel arena of life. It chokes its actors and its spectators until all they have left is their appalling nakedness of their heart. 

     They stand naked in front of the reader who did not know till then that emotions can be so beautiful yet so ugly all at once. 

Naked, raw, dark and ugly. Yet beautiful, because remember, it truly is the tale of the young girl, the two families and the stranger. A simple story. 

First time for everything

If you've read enough of my posts, you know enough to know that I am not exactly in favor of blind dating. In fact, I am not even a fan of dating at all. You know I dream of just being able to be with the right guy and skip the process of the who are you, what do you do and what do you like type of questions. Don't think I am not romantic. On the contrary, I am so romantic that I want to believe in the kind of "love" where you do not have to talk to be understood.  Unfortunately, that is to remain the reality of books and movies, caricatures of a reality we fabricate for ourselves.

The reason I'm back on the topic of dating is that I've recently had a couple of dating experiences that might have negatively reinforced my absurd yet grounded theories on dating.

1. My date with a millionaire:  Yes, I went out with a millionaire and yes, I said no to a millionaire. I've come across a lot of people ( mostly girls) who date because they'd rather have someone there even if he is not the one, than have no one. The same way, money is a good enough reason to compromise on other things. Well, I still haven't reached that stage.

2. My date with a guy I actually liked:  A guy  I knew, a guy I had met a this learning program, a guy I had been flirting with for a couple of weeks, finally asked me out. And as soon as he did, I lost interested. This one I haven't quite figured out yet. I've asked myself if maybe I was nervous about going out, liking him, commitment etc... but no, I simply lose interest by the mere fact that he is interested. Maybe because the game sort of ends there, maybe because if I don't need to convince you anymore, you represent no challenge and I'm bored so you're dismissed.

3. My completely blind date: No picture, no name, no info. Nothing, besides for the fact that my best friend spoke with him and suggested it and since I trust her, I decided to simply follow the flow and do what most girls my age do anyways. He was the one to hear about me, have an interest, travel and go out with me. After point 2. you might be wondering why I even agreed to go out with a guy who obviously is interested. Like I said, I did it as a reassurance that I can just go out the way girls do. After all, it's only a date. And I do not regret it for it has taught me that even though I don't see it going anywhere, I still have to remain polite and carry on as it socially appropriate.Oh and I, for the first time, applied the skill of breaking up with a friendly it's not you, it's me; you're great but not enough.
 
My conclusions about dating remain that
        a. I hate dating, I hate having to get to know another person through a process designed for this purpose.
        b. Nice guys don't interest me, I worry that I might have to be bullied to actually be interested in relationship.
        c. I might have an issue with having to bear someone else's presence no matter how much I enjoy the other person. This is not a conclusion drawn from dating experiences only, I see it with my family friends and all. As a person who enjoys company yet who loves being alone, it tends to be difficult to develop real new relationships.

This is an undone post for there is so much else that can be said, to be continued...

Still in Prison

These days I blog sporadically.
However, I write regularly in a diary.
It's been a year and a half and i love it. In a way, since everything goes into my diary, I do not feel the need, or the want at times, to blog. However, Baby Carrot's recent post about matching bloggers reminded me of the fun interactions with other bloggers. I was happy to be included, and since you have to earn your title as a blogger, I will try to write more often.

As you may know by now, I intern twice a week in a Prison. I rarely write about it (even in my diary) for I do not wish to be reminded of my days there. Clinically, it's a great experience and I don't regret it. But let me just say I'm glad it's almost over.

These days, I've been hearing the most outrageous and idiotic statements made by inmates such as: "I told her to abort because once you have my child, you have to carry all of them." Rational. Even more normal is the fact that he barely knows this girl, but has three kids with her. Perfect.

But today I was challenged with MY question. I was asked by an inmate, in fact by many during a group therapy session, what would my response to a criminal be if the guy were to tell me he is suicidal. Of course I answered professionally and ethically and proceeded to describe the suicide intervention procedures and the pain someone is in when they are feeling suicidal and why we breach confidentiality etc... However, they insisted on knowing my personal opinion, meaning do I believe the purpose of saving these guys.

It's something I myself used to question. I answered them, but I fear I wasn't a hundred per cent honest, perhaps because I'm not fully convince.
So let me ask you,

Why am I to encourage a person who has a life sentence or who has raped many children, to not kill themselves and help them to go on living?

And another one

I read a very interesting article on the topic of forgiveness. Lately, i've been researching a lot for school since I'm getting started on thesis work. Without getting into much detail, most of the articles i read have to do with coping with sexual abuse and religion.

This one article talked about the different perceptions of people when it came to forgiveness, many of which were religiously influenced concepts. Basically, forgiveness is considered to be a healing factor and an important step to recovery depending on the meaning it has to the individual who is forgiving. For some, the actual idea of letting go is synonymous with forgiving while for some forgiving is more about growing through sufferance, accepting what has been and allowing the other person to be free of guilt.

It's an interesting idea that can be applied to more than one situation. It happens to be difficult to read about sexual abuse and forgiving, but then again, it depends why you forgive.

Then I started wondering, what is the Jewish take on forgiveness? Don't we forgive for the sake of the other person? In light of the sexual abuse research, it's a big deal and a unbelievable hard task. I can only begin to understand the grandeur of people who are able to forgive.

But then I also wonder, what's in for you in forgiving? According to Jewish law in philosophy, what is your obligation in forgiving and why is it so?

Back with a question

I've given up blogging for a while, I've given up trying to explain my opinions. I followed a similar pattern in my personal life. I avoid group arguments and unless it's a two person conversation, I do not get into group discussions over annoying topic such as dating where everyone has his own opinions and everyone operates differently. Same for politics, I enjoy political conversations but group debates do not appeal to me. What strikes me the most in those exchanges is that often people are just talking to get their point across and words mean something slightly different to everyone. At a certain point, what is being said doesn't even matter and by the way, it's all been said before.

However, this past week end, I found myself caught up in an argument around the question if I would say yes or no to a guy that sounds great for me etc besides for this one trait. (for example, he wants to make alyah, he doesn't want me to have a doctorate...). About alyah and logistics, read my previous post and about my education, he's be a little too late for that. But anyways, my belief is that many things that you think matter can become less of a priority once you know a person. 

In fact, I believe that if you meet a guy casually, without being set up and checked out previously, he may not correspond to what you're looking for and depending on how the situation presents itself, you may or may not fall for him. It can be a good thing as much as it could be a dangerous thing. I can't do without a feel of one's personality and other than big obvious trait like Shomer Shabbat and Kashrut, there is a lot I do not need to define. 

My theory was proven true last night. I had a first date with a guy I might never see again. But regardless, I got to go out with a person who is drastically different from my lifestyle, my views and everything I thought I would need, want, like best in a guy. It all went out the window. No I am not in love but I had a good time with him. Hypothetically speaking (not sure about further dates) I could see myself learning to connect with him. It would be a new experience. 

It just goes to show, yes you've heard from many that you end up with the person you never thought you'd marry. It really goes beyond that, beyond the fact that anyways when you get married, you cannot control all that you had wisely planned and thoroughly checked out. 

So why do you hang on to such "important" criteria? 

100 Books

I have taken on a mission with a friend.
From January 2012 to January 2013, we pledged to read 100 books.
I like reading more than anything else, so there goes my blogging...