And another one

I read a very interesting article on the topic of forgiveness. Lately, i've been researching a lot for school since I'm getting started on thesis work. Without getting into much detail, most of the articles i read have to do with coping with sexual abuse and religion.

This one article talked about the different perceptions of people when it came to forgiveness, many of which were religiously influenced concepts. Basically, forgiveness is considered to be a healing factor and an important step to recovery depending on the meaning it has to the individual who is forgiving. For some, the actual idea of letting go is synonymous with forgiving while for some forgiving is more about growing through sufferance, accepting what has been and allowing the other person to be free of guilt.

It's an interesting idea that can be applied to more than one situation. It happens to be difficult to read about sexual abuse and forgiving, but then again, it depends why you forgive.

Then I started wondering, what is the Jewish take on forgiveness? Don't we forgive for the sake of the other person? In light of the sexual abuse research, it's a big deal and a unbelievable hard task. I can only begin to understand the grandeur of people who are able to forgive.

But then I also wonder, what's in for you in forgiving? According to Jewish law in philosophy, what is your obligation in forgiving and why is it so?

Back with a question

I've given up blogging for a while, I've given up trying to explain my opinions. I followed a similar pattern in my personal life. I avoid group arguments and unless it's a two person conversation, I do not get into group discussions over annoying topic such as dating where everyone has his own opinions and everyone operates differently. Same for politics, I enjoy political conversations but group debates do not appeal to me. What strikes me the most in those exchanges is that often people are just talking to get their point across and words mean something slightly different to everyone. At a certain point, what is being said doesn't even matter and by the way, it's all been said before.

However, this past week end, I found myself caught up in an argument around the question if I would say yes or no to a guy that sounds great for me etc besides for this one trait. (for example, he wants to make alyah, he doesn't want me to have a doctorate...). About alyah and logistics, read my previous post and about my education, he's be a little too late for that. But anyways, my belief is that many things that you think matter can become less of a priority once you know a person. 

In fact, I believe that if you meet a guy casually, without being set up and checked out previously, he may not correspond to what you're looking for and depending on how the situation presents itself, you may or may not fall for him. It can be a good thing as much as it could be a dangerous thing. I can't do without a feel of one's personality and other than big obvious trait like Shomer Shabbat and Kashrut, there is a lot I do not need to define. 

My theory was proven true last night. I had a first date with a guy I might never see again. But regardless, I got to go out with a person who is drastically different from my lifestyle, my views and everything I thought I would need, want, like best in a guy. It all went out the window. No I am not in love but I had a good time with him. Hypothetically speaking (not sure about further dates) I could see myself learning to connect with him. It would be a new experience. 

It just goes to show, yes you've heard from many that you end up with the person you never thought you'd marry. It really goes beyond that, beyond the fact that anyways when you get married, you cannot control all that you had wisely planned and thoroughly checked out. 

So why do you hang on to such "important" criteria?