Dilemma - The Sequel

Thank you all for your advice on my dilemma. There was too much for me to answer in a comment so here is my answer to you.

Let me start by saying that because A loves to share all her dating stories does not mean that I do too. So typically, she tells me about her dates and I only tell her once it's over and I have a good story or if there is something to discuss. I can't stand talking about something that might never be and if i'm going to create imaginary scenarios, i'll do it alone it my head. So there is our first major difference. Shani, i'm with you on being tight lipped with the boys I date.

And Shades of Grey, I believe she does consider the guys she dates for me and other friend except that I don't think she quite grasps what kind of guy I want. And also, I'm certain she would be happy if it worked out but I am the one here walking on egg shells just because I know she was annoyed at his refusal to go on a second date.

Now Cymbaline has a point. It was only one date which isn't a big deal. But, I know her to be very sensitive and even if she should learn to take rejection less personally, the fact is she isn't quite there yet and I would not want to be the cause of her pain.

To pick on what Altie said, I must say that I don't see the point in waiting any longer because first of all, it happened a good three weeks ago and also because A is going out with someone else anyways. And, I was joking about bad mouthing him, I only sympathized with the fact that he didn't give it a second chance. If anything, I think I've been overly sensitive to the issue like Cymbaline pointed it out.

Which ties in to your response Professor, the two events were unrelated and happened three weeks apart. And again, I did not bad mouth him, I only showed her I cared and that I didn't understand why he didn't at least give it a second shot. (which I know understand)

Morah Betsy you were ahead of the game. I did speak to him for two hours on the phone last night but that's simply because of logistic issues. Hopefully we can set up a time to meet soon.

And just so you know, I asked A today if she would be okay with me going out with him. Of course she said she does not care and felt the need to add that anyways, she doesn't see it go anywhere. Oh well, maybe it will and maybe it won't...

SO much drama for a date that hasn't been yet :)

Dilemma

I'm in a sticky situation and I need some feedback.

A close friend of mine (A) recently went out with a guy that a common friend of ours (B) set her up with. She called me after the first date, sounding very happy about her evening and with great hopes at least towards a second date. 

Which never happened, because he immediately felt like they weren't good for each other and did not want to lead her on any longer.When she called me the next day to complain about how guys should give second chances, I sympathized and called the guy all kind of names (just kidding).

Anyways, yesterday I bumped into B and we started talking about life, girls, boys.... Naturally the conversation came along and we found ourselves discussing A and the guy. I was happy I talked to her about it because she gave me legit reasons why he said no that she couldn't necessarily tell to A. The more she told me about him, the more he sounded like a guy I could go out with.

Bottom line is I am going out with him, first date has yet to happen but probably in the week to come or so...

The question is do I tell A beforehand or do I wait to see if there is even a point in telling her? I do not wish for her to feel under evaluated as in like he's just dating girls in passing till he finds the one, one being no more or less special than the other. Then there is this neurotic concern on my part, that if it does go somewhere, I can't have her feel like he choose me over her. 

To tell or not to tell?

Do Bad Boys marry?...

My friends and I, including Primum Non Nocere often joke about how I tend to be attracted to "bad boys". By Bad Boys, we mean the type of boys that might have a past but that certainly do not lack the personality to go explore the world and it's downfalls. There is a strong appearance factor and attitude attributed to those guys and I admit that those boys are the ones who intrigue me.

I meet my share of "good boys" who frankly, have no stain on their impeccable careers, their out-of-the-box thinking and their amazing personality. Those are great guys, and those are the ones I do not hesitate to set up with my closest friends.

Yet I fall for the Bad Boys.

I have come to realize that my attraction to Bad Boys, besides for leading me nowhere, also makes me feel misunderstood. To the world, Bad Boys indicate a very different type of breed in which the Boys are described by very selfish characters and incredible looser-type of personality.
"These are the boys you do not want to marry," I am often told. No, no one wants to marry a jerk nor a guy lacking brains. Nevertheless, I could see myself falling  (or have fallen) for a guy who has the depth and understanding of a someone who's been down the path of Hell but has come back. Not that he must, but since he did, I would appreciate the substance of his journey.

I am aware I just expressed a complex idea into two very simplistic paragraph but this might not be the last post on the topic. Then again, this does relate to my whole theory about being attracted to personalities versus actions or deeds.

Romance be It

Enough about dating, enough about Shiduchim.

Enough about pick up lines and enough about brake up lines.

Enough about resumés, enough about all of them.

Let the romance begin. 

I am growing tired of hearing words, insignificant terms or subjective appellations to describe people, their wants and their needs. How I wish they could just be a system to be set-up smoothly without going through all of this. It pains me to have to answer certain questions and it aches me to have to listen to some of my friends do the same. Yet we need to know somehow about the other, we therefore need to ask.

In a recurrent dream of mine, I imagine I will know when the right person comes along because everything will just fall into pieces. Certainly, my imaginary world is full of romantic stories, as must girls love to dream about ... 

But guys, bear with me. 

The one scene that I very much would like to apply to my reality is the idea that MY guy will be able to look at one of my favorite paintings and see in it's arts the same beauty, strength and emotions as I do. Of course, that might not be so necessary, nor possible, but the general idea here is that he'd be at least able to understand where it's all coming from.

To brake through for a few moments from all those miserable/aggravating/frustrating dating stories, I just want to share one of my favorite paintings called "Dante et Virgile en Enfer, 1850" (Dante and Virgil in Hell) by Bouguereau.  

This painting is an illustration of "The Divine Comedy" by Dante Alighieri, in which the story of Dante's descent to Hell accompanied of Virgil is beautifully described. Bourguereau took it to the next level by creating a vivid image of what the likes of human beings have the power to create:
Man can fight, man can destroy each other, and man can also sit in the background awaiting for the right moment to guide or to jump in.

There is so much that can be said about this painting, however I will not even begin to talk about it. (If you Google it, you'll find many different interpretations to its meaning).

For my part, I will simply continue to enjoy escaping the complexity of men and women though this cruel and vivid reminder.

Let this be too in the memory of all those who went through hell on this fatal day ten years ago...

Broken Engagements

A good friend of mine soon to be married called me today. She was not bearing good news for she announced that as of last night, there will be no wedding. "At least not with that guy", she added positively.

I struggled with maintaining a caring but not pitying tone of voice, and the conversation went on. She is in a tough position right now since all her plans have crashed, at a time where everyone is getting back into their routine life.

Not to mention, that out of a class of 14 girls, she is the third girl to brake her engagement (all within 10 months)

I feel for her. And for the eight other couples I personally know that have broken their engagement too over the past year... (not to mention those I've heard of, but that I am not acquainted with). Among these couples, 3 had been dating for about a year if not more, 3 had been dating for approximately 4-6 months and 2 for less than two months.

Despite different stories and different backgrounds, they all ended up in the same situation.

Some blame the system, some blame themselves.

I wish to understand why and how broken engagements have become such a  phenomena setting the tone of a tragic trend.

Saw You At Sinai

 A way to redefine romanticism: cyber dating.

When my friend suggested I join the famous matchmaking website Saw You at Sinai, I must admit I was surprise. Like everyone else, I’ve heard about it, I’ve met people who met through it, but I never thought about it in terms of myself.

Subconsciously, I’ve been under the assumption that such websites are designed for the older singles who are despairing over meeting the right person. Given that I am pretty young and networking is one of the things I do best, I never considered having a cyber profile.  After all, why would I need it? And why would I want to be matched up by a stranger? On the other hand, I understand that you do not have to accept whom you’re being suggested and you can always conduct your own research (ie: facebook).

But the more I think about it, I wonder if my prejudice is a common one or is it just based on my ignorance of that technique. Granted, I definitely do not know enough about it yet to know how I feel about it. Right now, I’m struggling with the idea of having to describe myself in terms and characteristics versus someone having a feel for my personality and my aspirations (similar to the reasons I do not have a resume).

So fellow bloggers, we seem to be spending a fair amount on the web, what do we think about web-dating?

Second date killers

You go on a first date, you have a good time.
You come home happy, you agree to meet again.

Second date comes, you're already more comfortable. After all he is no longer a stranger. When that second sate drags along, you are pleasantly surprise. He talks, he flirts, then he drops you off. He tells you how great it was to see you again and that you will be hearing from him. You come home happy, already thinking about a third date

The next day, you have yet to hear back from your date. However, as the day goes by, you start wondering if perhaps you should contact the person who set you up. You hate to be the one making that call, but you tell yourself it could be worse (had you had to call up the guy himself...).

Next thing you know, there will be no third date. You're an amazing girl but you're just not for him.You were not mistaken, you just don't understand.  He really seemed to enjoy your company. He enjoyed stretching out that second date... So what killed it?

Sometimes you'll hear that you're just too good for him, or that it isn't the right time for him..

So why the need to stretch out that second date? Why make it so intense, full of hope and future instead of taking it slow? Why risk portraying the wrong image leaving someone bewildered behind?

He doesn't know and you don't know. One thing WE girls do know is that we'd like boys to be more cautious while dealing/playing with a girl's heart. This request is by nature complicated, we know...but don't we all wish...

If you are that girl to whom second dates mean a lot, perhaps it is time for you to move up your reference bar to the third date.

Because to my roommates, to my friends and to whom ever cares to share, I can no longer be making excuses for all these guys, whatever they might be thinking...