Dilemma - The Sequel

Thank you all for your advice on my dilemma. There was too much for me to answer in a comment so here is my answer to you.

Let me start by saying that because A loves to share all her dating stories does not mean that I do too. So typically, she tells me about her dates and I only tell her once it's over and I have a good story or if there is something to discuss. I can't stand talking about something that might never be and if i'm going to create imaginary scenarios, i'll do it alone it my head. So there is our first major difference. Shani, i'm with you on being tight lipped with the boys I date.

And Shades of Grey, I believe she does consider the guys she dates for me and other friend except that I don't think she quite grasps what kind of guy I want. And also, I'm certain she would be happy if it worked out but I am the one here walking on egg shells just because I know she was annoyed at his refusal to go on a second date.

Now Cymbaline has a point. It was only one date which isn't a big deal. But, I know her to be very sensitive and even if she should learn to take rejection less personally, the fact is she isn't quite there yet and I would not want to be the cause of her pain.

To pick on what Altie said, I must say that I don't see the point in waiting any longer because first of all, it happened a good three weeks ago and also because A is going out with someone else anyways. And, I was joking about bad mouthing him, I only sympathized with the fact that he didn't give it a second chance. If anything, I think I've been overly sensitive to the issue like Cymbaline pointed it out.

Which ties in to your response Professor, the two events were unrelated and happened three weeks apart. And again, I did not bad mouth him, I only showed her I cared and that I didn't understand why he didn't at least give it a second shot. (which I know understand)

Morah Betsy you were ahead of the game. I did speak to him for two hours on the phone last night but that's simply because of logistic issues. Hopefully we can set up a time to meet soon.

And just so you know, I asked A today if she would be okay with me going out with him. Of course she said she does not care and felt the need to add that anyways, she doesn't see it go anywhere. Oh well, maybe it will and maybe it won't...

SO much drama for a date that hasn't been yet :)

Dilemma

I'm in a sticky situation and I need some feedback.

A close friend of mine (A) recently went out with a guy that a common friend of ours (B) set her up with. She called me after the first date, sounding very happy about her evening and with great hopes at least towards a second date. 

Which never happened, because he immediately felt like they weren't good for each other and did not want to lead her on any longer.When she called me the next day to complain about how guys should give second chances, I sympathized and called the guy all kind of names (just kidding).

Anyways, yesterday I bumped into B and we started talking about life, girls, boys.... Naturally the conversation came along and we found ourselves discussing A and the guy. I was happy I talked to her about it because she gave me legit reasons why he said no that she couldn't necessarily tell to A. The more she told me about him, the more he sounded like a guy I could go out with.

Bottom line is I am going out with him, first date has yet to happen but probably in the week to come or so...

The question is do I tell A beforehand or do I wait to see if there is even a point in telling her? I do not wish for her to feel under evaluated as in like he's just dating girls in passing till he finds the one, one being no more or less special than the other. Then there is this neurotic concern on my part, that if it does go somewhere, I can't have her feel like he choose me over her. 

To tell or not to tell?

Friends of today

 It’s all His hand, it’s His idea:

He tells me the joys you share,

Calls on me when you shed tears.

You know my friend,

Maybe we shall pretend?

No need to hear my voice,

Or to see my eyes,

When you see them brown,

 The light sees them shine.

My comments will tell,

Whom and what I like

My pictures will show,

Who and what I am.

No need to feel my presence;

You now know my charm.

Ever seen you?  Heard of you?

Watched you grow through pictures,

When you ask: ever met before?

My, sure, in caricature

Virtually he suggested

You as my friend,

 Intrigued me by

 The cello in your hands.

On our own,

 Maybe we would‘ve met,

Maybe stared at a painting

 On a wall,

In an Art museum like we use to,

 Like we use to wonder,

 Who is that boy, who is that girl?

In the picture, what is in her?

Now Facebook tells you

She is whom you see,

He is whom you should seek

The friend you will never be,

For an added name on your list.

The Waiting Place

Dr Seus said it best:

The Waiting Place.... for people just waiting

waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting

Besides for the fact that Dr Seus has great rhythm, he also has a good point. Understatement. 

No! That's not for you! Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying. You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you'll ride high! ready for anything under the sky, ready because you're that kind of guy!

Exactly. 

So please don't be one in in a million. Don't be a "single" among million others, waiting at Shul, waiting at an Oneg, waiting at work, just waiting for a guy to pick you up, to carry you through flying petals and to promise you vows of love he could have promised to another. 

"The older they get,

the worse they get"

I'm sorry for being on a vendetta against people these days but there are just too may things about people that are irritable or derisory.

I just quoted what a tenth grader, Moshe, told me about his mother and her friends. He asked me if I knew her "click" and I do since I used to work in a local cafe, I used to see them come in together from times to times. I am quite friendly with that crowd but it's more fun to watch from the outside.

Moshe has a twelve years old little sister who naturally is going through that stage where she will be offended is her best friend doesn't tell her if she hung out with her other best friend. Or she would want to be on the calling list of the latest gossip in town. So does her mother and her friends.

"Why didn't you tell me she got a new bracelet from her husband?"

"I saw her yesterday, she was with so and so..."

It never ends. Its the frum Desperate Housewives, it's the frum Gossip Girl.
They would be bored without it, I guess i'll let them have it.

People who have time

What do people who have time do with their time?

Everyone likes to consider themselves busy. After all, you only take on as much as you can handle. But you have the people that are involved in so many different activities, they can't even keep track and then on the other hand, you have the people who like to believe they are so busy they have time for nothing and that is why they won't get involved in much.

I am not on a bragging spree about myself, but I was thinking about it yesterday while cutting class. On Tuesdays, I usually leave my house at 5:45 and do not return before 6:30. It's a long day. I was feeling like taking off and so I did, imagining all the rest I'd get and how much I would get done. At 10:00, I was bored.

So I don't understand, my friends who leave their house at 10 am to g to work and come home at 6, what are they so busy with? What makes them incapable to have a Little Sister, be part of a charity, a board, an organisation, NCSY, something....

I think people like to create the impression of being so busy and having time for nothing. It's almost like a conversation making phrase that turns into your reality:
"-How are you doing? I haven't seen you in so long..bla bla bla..
-Yes I know, I've been so busy.
-Really that's great! doing what?
-You know, work and stuff. It's crazy how fast the days go by, I don't even have time for myself"
Stop talking about it and start acting, it will make you feel better.

I'm merely addressing people my age. When you are married and with kids, it's different. I remember the first time I met my aunt I insulted her because I asked her if she wasn't bored being at home all day. I was only twelve years old at the time (okay maybe its not that young to be so naive). But my mom just like my aunt, is a mother of nine, yet she works full time and has always cared for us and entertained us herself. She is amazing. So I could not understand how my aunt was not bored being a stay at home mom. My mother was the one who explained to me that everyone is different and since then, I have learned to value both. I think it's wonderful to be a stay at home mom if you can afford it and I think that if you can rock it having a job and kids, then be it. But whatever you do, do it well as my mother always says....

Back to my point, I think having time is all about an attitude, not a actual 24 hour per day to occupy.
But since I've expanded the topic, feel free to pick on things I might have started up on :)

I might have been wrong

Two years ago, I used to work in a Kosher little cafe. I worked there for over a year and built myself quite a reputation as the nice girl behind the counter, who always had a smile for you and something nice to say. I met people there, got asked out more times then I care to remember (actually, that is where I met the bad boy) and created some useful connections. I should have started blogging then, when I had so much to say about the behaviors I observed in the Jewish community.

Well it is not to late to share, especially since there is a follow up to the story I am about to tell.

There used to be a woman who used to come in every so often. Every time she came, we, as in all of us  behind the counter, used to roll our eyes. We weren't mean, we just knew from experience that something was about to blow up in our face. And indeed, within three minutes, she would be yelling at us for being rude and having her wait till we finish with the customer who was being helped. So by consensus, every time she came in, she was my customer. I was known to be firm but nice with customers so i could manipulate them in being happy or contempt with their experience. Till this day,she is the only customer with whom I have failed. I was always very close to asking her how she'd react if it was her daughter (who used to come in frequently as well) behind the counter being treated the way we were being treated by her.
Thank g-d I kept it to myself.

Fast forward a year and a half later... My friend and I show up to our Friday night meal by a family we enjoy eating at. There, we are introduced to a lovely family: mother, father and five children, all very polite, friendly and well adjusted to life. As the night goes on, I start feeling this increasingly annoying feeling that I know one of the girls from somewhere. And so I tell her: "you look familiar, maybe from.... (fill in coffee shop)?" As I ask her, the reality hit me. I did know her from there and I knew who she was because I could never forget the mother. For a second, I felt uncomfortable with the memories I was remembering, especially since it did not match the woman I was introduced to that night. But I went on and told her I remember she owned a red coat. Everyone at the table laughed at me for remembering such a trivial detail, but if only they knew what else I remember....

Now I wonder, was the mother going through something at the time that made her so irritable and unpleasant (scenario repeated itself over a few months) while she really is an amazing person? Or is she one of those woman who believes that if i'm behind a counter she is better then me, but if we're sharing a table we're then equal?

I'd like to judge her favorably and assume she wasn't being herself, or maybe we were irritating in her eyes and that she is different then all the other customers who seemed fine with us.

Anyways, thank g-d I kept quiet because today, she is helping me set up my older sister :)

"Music, makes the people come together..."

by Madonna

I love Music. All different kinds: from pop to country, rock to R&B, I'll pretty much listen to anything. The songs I like best, sometimes I like for their music, their melodies, they lyrics or simply for the souvenirs associated with that particular song.

I am a commuter, music keeps me entertained. It is no wonder that I often hear songs that I must go check the lyrics afterwards. At times, I have a hard time believing that certain songs are actually playing on the radio when they probably should be rated. Other times, the lyrics are so dumb that it's almost a waste of breath. Doesn't mean I won't enjoy it, it actually gives me what to think about.

When I do think about it, I realize that when I was in middle school, where I came from, rap was so cool. It was the new means of expression and everyone felt like they had a chance to be that famous Rapper they saw on TV. Most never made it but you'd be surprise to see some that did and you just don't understand why. Maybe it's about how much rage they had in them...

Anyways, today we do have a lot of beautiful songs in each music style. But there seems to be a new trend of songs coming out across the field where they lyrics are just all about an immature but fun outlook on life. Hit songs such as "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz,  "The Lazy Song" by Bruno Mars, "Tonight Tonight" by Hot Chelle Rae and many more. I love those song because they make you smile, they can get you pumped up for action or whatever it is. 

 

It's incredible how they just preach the "I'm having fun, no more and you can't stop it because it's what I was born to do".. Probably a better attitude then the aggressive "I'm gonna kill you" Rap songs but hey, what sort of generation are we going to be defined by????

No title on this one

I always have so much to write. Throughout the day, I write blog posts in my head but when I get on my computer, I can barely remember any of it.
But today, one thing I do remember is hearing that:

"You don't want to ask questions that you don't know the answer to." 

I've been thinking about it all week to see how does it apply in reality and I've come to the conclusion that it is ironically a very simple truth. How often have you asked a question you wished you hadn't because of the answer you heard?

Maybe you already knew that, or maybe you disagree.
What do you think?

Again talk about Bad Boys

I know, I know, it's getting old.
But the only guy I've ever dated - as in went out with for more than two dates - was a bad boy. So naturally, he remains my favorite topic of conversation and although we have nothing to do with each other, the topic still provides lots of food for thoughts. As you well know by now, I am intrigued by character formation and relationship developments.

Actually, I'd be lying if I said we have nothing to do with each other, since for the first time in a year, I finally bumped into him in a popular local Jewish restaurants. Yes it was awkward, yes my heart was beating fast, yes it was awesome to see him again. And most importantly, he looked great. Better then when we were together, but then again, he is the guy I fell for till I realized, ... well, I realized he was a "bad boy" and that until he changed nothing positive could come out of this relationship.

I saw him tonight again at Starbucks (coincidence?). He does look good, healthier, happier.

So here is my question to you: Can bad boys actually change? Not change because a girl set out to make that change, change internally, change on their own, I guess settle.

 I don't know, I wish I believed they do...

Good Actor vs. Good Looking

Discovered in 1989, Ryan Gosling has been appearing on TV shows and movies since the age of 9 years old. He played in The All New Mickey Mouse, young hercules, Breaker high, The Slaughter Rule, Remember the Titans, Murder by Number and The Believer.

Yet, it was not till he played in The Notebook (2004) and that he won the dubious honor of being named one of the hottest 50 bachelors by People Magazine that he became oh so popular. More significantly, he was named the Male Star of tomorrow at the 2004 Show West convention of movie exhibitor. (Whatever that  is, quoted from IMBD). Still quoting, "Gosling reached the summit of his profession with hid performance in Half Nelson 2006 which garnered him an Academy Award nomination for Best Actor. In a short time, he has established himself as one of the finest actors of his generation".

•  Ryan Gosling has won the heart of many Americans, undoubtedly females, by his droopy eyes, his charming face and his good looks. He might be cute and handsome, but why is it that he is appearing on every moving that is coming out nowadays? Since 2010, he has starred in 5 movies and is in the mist of 4 others to be released in 2012 and 2013.                
•   My roommate and I today were discussing it and when I brought up the fact that Ryan Gosling always plays similar parts in his movies, she said that just means that is what he does. Have you forgotten what acting means?? Acting involves being able to put on any role, not simply the one that suits your look and personality best. Take Johnny Depp or Leonardo DiCaprio, their acting history is so diverse, it deserves to be complimented. They are good actors and perhaps good looking too, depending on your taste. They are by no means comparable to Ryan Gosling whom if you ask me, has nothing special other than his droopy eyes that look like he is bored at all time and by thus bores me. 

•   So no, I am choosing to go see Anonymous or The Three Musketeers which has castles, knights and big dresses over Ides of March which has an actor I am so not into. Let me know if its a wrong decision. 

People we dislike

Everyday you meet people. Some become your friends, some you just say hi and goodbye to and some just remain on your nerves. Usually, it's not an issue, you move on with your day and you don't worry about them until you meet again.

But I have this one professor with whom it does not work. She is painful. I can barely handle sitting through her class. As a result, I act differently. She perceives me as a shy, perhaps snobby and totally non-interesting student. In fact, I'd be interested to hear how she would describe me. I can guarantee you her description would not fit that of all my other professor's opinions!

Anyways, she teaches psycho-dynamic  and has thus far failed in passing on the beauty of Freud and his likes. The textbook does a better job. Her mouth smiles constantly, her lips go up and down  but her eyes convey nothing. In general, my class likes her, she pretends she cares, she makes jokes, she asks us how we are doing. And it makes me wonder, am I the only one who thinks she is totally fake and annoying?? Is that why I feel so uncomfortable around her and act different??

Maybe I just don't understand who she is and how she expresses herself. Be sure this is my last class with her...

What if this happened with someone I had to endure though??? Torture....