Second date killers

You go on a first date, you have a good time.
You come home happy, you agree to meet again.

Second date comes, you're already more comfortable. After all he is no longer a stranger. When that second sate drags along, you are pleasantly surprise. He talks, he flirts, then he drops you off. He tells you how great it was to see you again and that you will be hearing from him. You come home happy, already thinking about a third date

The next day, you have yet to hear back from your date. However, as the day goes by, you start wondering if perhaps you should contact the person who set you up. You hate to be the one making that call, but you tell yourself it could be worse (had you had to call up the guy himself...).

Next thing you know, there will be no third date. You're an amazing girl but you're just not for him.You were not mistaken, you just don't understand.  He really seemed to enjoy your company. He enjoyed stretching out that second date... So what killed it?

Sometimes you'll hear that you're just too good for him, or that it isn't the right time for him..

So why the need to stretch out that second date? Why make it so intense, full of hope and future instead of taking it slow? Why risk portraying the wrong image leaving someone bewildered behind?

He doesn't know and you don't know. One thing WE girls do know is that we'd like boys to be more cautious while dealing/playing with a girl's heart. This request is by nature complicated, we know...but don't we all wish...

If you are that girl to whom second dates mean a lot, perhaps it is time for you to move up your reference bar to the third date.

Because to my roommates, to my friends and to whom ever cares to share, I can no longer be making excuses for all these guys, whatever they might be thinking...

Please Help New York

Dear G-d

 

When You see the men in the rehabilitation centers smoking through the gates,

When You see the street cleaning trucks leave a trail of dirt behind,

When You see all the double parked cars to avoid getting a ticket,

When You see the aggressive drivers make a move,

When You hear the obnoxious citizens cursing at you for going on a green light,

When You hear the wonderful sounds of honking, shouting and train shrieking, 

When You see the insufficient amount of elevators in the 23 story buildings of Manhattan

When You do, please help New York

Says who?

Dear readers,

I have a non-jewish friend who is a homosexual. He and his partner were one of the first couples in DC to get married after it became legal (they even starred on Oprah because of it!)

Yesterday, I received an email from him with the following attachment:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/24/rabbi-yehuda-levin-earthquake_n_935596.html?ref=email_share

"A New York rabbi claims gay marriage and the earthquake that shook the East Coast are directly connected.

In a video uploaded to YouTube, Levin says gay rights legislation, like the gay marriage law passed in New York, are responsible for earthquakes, like the one that struck Washington, D.C. Tuesday.

“The Talmud states, 'You have shaken your male member in a place where it doesn't belong. I too, will shake the Earth,'” Levin says.

He also notes that he does not dislike gay people.

"We don't hate homosexuals," he says. "I feel bad for homosexuals. It's a revolt against God and literally, there's hell to pay."

What do we think about it?

Whom are we to assert such certitudes?

"I do love him,

                    he was so sweet, so kind to me..."


A running line I've been hearing quite often lately in the many soap operas I watch while I study.

What is it with these married women having affairs with just out of puberty teenagers?

What is it with these girls dating a four time around divorced guy, believing they must be the one?

Pathetic reasons or so it seems.

They all say the same thing about the man/boy in their lives.

But can attention be the source of all love?

Does kindness redefine love?

A pass to heaven

Today I travelled to a different city.
In my extreme kindness (or maybe stupidity), I offered a ride to whoever needed a lift.
I ended up taking two passengers thinking they would contribute to gas and tolls (They didn't)
A man and his wife, sat them in the back seat. But it wasn't enough.

The whole trip I had to:

•  pretend I was laughing at jokes that weren't funny,
• pretend I understood his numerous Vorts explaining why women should be going to college in order to be able to support their husbands,
• pretend I knew why anger is the source of all depression, 
• pretend I wasn't listening when they were arguing (making me feel really uncomfortable)
• pretend I didnt mind listening to Shlomo Carlebach music played in a tape recorder,
• pretend It was such a fun ride we should do it again after Shabbos!!!

No way.
But I am off to bed tonight feeling good about myself, how I survived it and how I handled it.

I did them a favor which was definitely not easy for me.

Perhaps I did just earn something nice, like a pass to heaven.....

Matchmaker Matchmaker, Make Me a Match

Find me a find
      Catch me a catch...

As of today, my mother has officially married off 19 couples (none of which include her children).

My 18 years old sister has one married couple to her count.

My 25 years old sister is considered a cripple for still being single.

I am single and happy. I've seen it too often to agree to throw myself into the cruel arena of dating. If I get set up, great. If i meet someone, even better. But I am nowhere near the days when I will be going around distributing a resume (still non-existent).

My mother is amazing. She stays out of my dating life, she gives me the space I need in order to make my own decisions. When I told her I might start dating, just so she shouldn't be shocked if a guy in my life ever came up she said to me :"You know I can help you, if you want."

She made me smile.

19 is a big number.
 Maybe she can help my older sister first.

Mixed Seating, Mixed Dancing ??

Jokingly, I asked a friend of mine who is engaged, if she will be setting me up with guys.

Her answer: "My wedding will be mixed seating... so yea!!!!!"

Loved it. 

Finally meeting boys without having to bite my nails over a cup of coffee or Facebook stalking.

Of course there will be separate dance floor so I will not be dancing in a white pretty dress waiting to be chosen by a handsome stranger. Gone are the days of girls dancing in the fields... By the way, how was that okay?? 

It somewhat reminds me of how my grand mother met my grand father. She went to Shul on Rosh Hashana and her father who was a well renowned Rabbi told her to carefully look down into the men section and pick out the man she wants for husband. She picked my grand father and here we are today. 

I feel like doing the same ....

Politics and Gossip

Ever wonder what do different people speak about at different Shabbos table?

Ever wonder how come you know so much about the people in a city you are not from originally?

Two words: politics and gossip.

There is so much to talk about in a community, the conversation is just endless. Sometimes it borderlines Loshon Hora but most of the times, no harm is intended. It's mostly and  simply a way of keeping up to date with the people we once knew, know very well  or might come to know one day. 

So what is there to talk about if not about "the rabbi of the Shul who is doing a great job if only he could get rid of the board" or if not about so and so breaking up with so and so?

....

What might be some OTHER  interesting topics of conversation to bring up at a Shabbos table??

"I'm a romantic schizophrenic" (Alexander Mc Queen)

 The art in Alexander Mc Queen's exhibit collection speaks for itself. The expression of faceless mannequins, the shapes of their body, the design, the fabrics, everything represent pure arts. While the exhibit at the Met came to an end, I stumbled upon many blogs that were discussing the meaning of it all, ie:  http://www.styleclicker.net/2011/07/05/i%E2%80%99m-a-romantic-schizophrenic-amq-savage-beauty-at-the-met/

But I like to look at it, to think about it and to integrated it for myself. I see little point in discussing the arts for each one of us perceives it so differently.

 For instance, what do you think about when you hear "I am a romantic schizophrenic"?

You might be miles away from thinking what I am thinking right now. However, perhaps you can understand that stuck in the shidduch system, I now more than ever can identify to such feelings of dissociated identity, dreams of chivalry and yearning for a breakthrough of fantasy.

 So much pain to be seen in his designs, so much beauty; It is no surprise to me that AMQ ended his own life.

Noblewomen or Hypocrite?

Watch me make my way around a crowd, say at a Shabbos Kiddush.

As much as I like to think of myself as a good person, there are definitely people I have no patience for, not to speak of those I have a really hard time bearing. While I go around saying hi to everyone and catching up on the superficial but courteous aspects of life, try to pick out the people I dislike or do not care for.

It's a game I play with myself fairly often.

A game I know I win when I make the recipients happy. I leave them feeling good about themselves through a smile, a little compliment or an insignificant sentence that shows them I cared enough to notice them: " I saw you walking on X Street 3months ago!!".... ( When in reality, my visual memory is out of control)

So hmmm, since I am able to be nice and friendly to everyone even though I don't always mean it, does that make me a noble person or the biggest hypocrite?

"No News is Good News"

Who ever came up with that saying, obviously had little insight about the meanings of the terms "anxious" or "impatient". The wait, the curiosity, the mental energy, none of it can be soothed by this quote. If you ask around, I am sure people would rather hear bad news than nothing at all.

That is, unless we are talking about my parents, who get worried when I do call home :)

 "Is he alive",
 "Does he like me",
 "Is he coming"
To each their own drama

So no news about the boy I was pursuing (in  "you don't know me...")
The good news?
I moved on.

Nu, let's set them up

This is what I found on Facebook today. If you are interested, search for the group "Nu, let's set them up" and ask 

to join. I personally haven't decided yet if I find it ridiculously funny or genius

"You know a guy. I know a girl. Nu, let's set 'em up!

HERE'S HOW IT WORKS! 

1. POST INFO AS A DOC 
Tell us about the single in your life using the "Creat Doc" option on the right. Give your doc a unique and true title. For example "Religious Adventurist Seeks Same in Partner." Be serious, or be funny - any identifying title works. Just make sure to fill that doc with relevant information about the single. You know, the stuff that matters. 

[To post to the group anonymously, you can send the info to MAKEAJEWISHCOUPLE@gmail.com and a group administrator will post it for you!]

2. DISCUSS 
Once the info on your single is posted, the match-seekers can comment with questions aimed at considering your single's compatibility with another single they may know.

3. SET 'EM UP!
If the descriptions line up, you can contact each other to get more information, set up a date...and potentially make a match! 


*Behold the power in real people banding together to make real matches!*" 

I go both ways

When people ask what I am looking for, the one thing they are sure they won't hear is the obvious reason in the orthodox communities. I am attracted by guys and only guys.

However, I am not attracted to criteria such as : - Is he learning or is he not?
                                                                           - Does he want to live in Israel?
                                                                           - Is he involved in Kiruv?

The questions can go on and on.
As much as I understand the benefits of being matched up with an individual who appears to have similar goals to you, I cannot put it down in words.

I can go both ways, meaning, I can see myself marrying a guy who learns a lot as well as guy who learns less. The cut off for me is the how, the why and the attitude behind the learning. ( and perhaps a distinction between a full time learner versus a professional)

Same for Kiruv or Israel... I do not want to get married by practicality. Certain life goals can be met while others can be worked out together. Yes Kiruv is a lifestyle; yes moving to Israel is an important decision (i'm sticking to my examples) But they aren't defined in black and white for we don't know where life might take us.

So why does it feel like resumes have our whole life ahead figured out?

Drive to the top!

While you may all be familiar with the behind the scenes of the Shidduch system, I am still discovering the "do's" and the "dont's". Until recently, I had chosen to stay out of the picture when it came to blind dates and blind set-ups. However, these days, it's getting pretty lonely in the no man-land of my life and I have agreed to take the big step. I officially started to date. UGH

I always thought I would be the girl to fall in love with a guy on a train, on a plane or at a museum, that things would go their own way, that it wouldn't matter if he learned or if I covered my elbows and knees.. because we'd love each other. And of course, we'd both love being Jewish whatever that may mean.Together, we'd figure out and decide how to be good simple Jews.

Enough dreaming, it hasn't happened. Time to move on with my times. Although, I am still resilient to the resume thingy...

As it is, most of my friends at this point, have resumes, go see Shadchanim and frequently go out with people who aren't even remotely close to whom they usually are attracted too. They hate it. But they do it.

Last night, we were having a girl's talk night, and when girls my age get together, 99% of the time the conversation is solely about boys. You see, one of my friends is being set-up with a boy who lives a few hours away. So we started arguing about what is right: for the boy to cover the distance or the girl.
Does it even matter?

In my Romanesque world, obviously the boy should drive to meet the girl. It is as romantic as it may get in a set-up. However, if I were the girl concerned, I wouldn't make a big deal out of travelling myself IF it were simple enough. What I don't understand, is the answer my friend got from the Shadchan:

 "Sarale, you should drive to meet Yankele. He has such a long list of girls suggested to him, that if you were to drive, it will place you on the top of his list."

-Sigh-